Tom Waits is a better singer than you. BURN!

I thought I saw Scarlet Johanson in a Lincoln Mercury today when I was walking back from the Y.  It was dusk and I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I’d bet it wasn’t her.  But, of course, it is Art Fair week and you know how much she loves the arts.

Anyway, after she drove away I started thinking about what I would say if I did meet Scarlet Johanson.  My first thought was “oh, I really loved you and Thora Birch in Ghost World because you two reminded me so much of me and my best friend from high school,” or “I really empathized with your character in Lost in Translation and her feeling of being trapped in a relationship at such a young age,” or “I think you’re the most gorgeous actress of our time, and you remind me of how beautiful actresses in the 40’s looked with red lipstick in black and white films.”  But after all those thoughts I decided I would probably just tell her how much her new Tom Waits cover cd sucks and not to quit her day job.